"Are you jealous of Anastasia Steele?" - at one of the popular women's forums, the heroine of the most scandalous novel of recent times, "50 Shades of Grey", which at the beginning of next year will turn into a screen version for everyone, was hotly discussed. How did this story about a girl who voluntarily decided to become a sexual slave of the main character suddenly turn into an erotic bestseller, and why is this manifesto of cruel games between a man and a woman dangerous in the first place for us?

Dakota Johnson and Jamie Dornan to star in '50 Shades of Grey'

The author positions the book as light reading for women who want to feel loved and desired. But Erika Leonard James leads her readers to these feelings not in the traditional, but in the Freudian way: through humiliation, torture. It was Freud who believed that the genesis of sadism and masochism goes back to childhood, and later their manifestations are found in repetitive fantasies of violence and submission, which are visited by both women and men. But Freud assigned women a special, not the most "comfortable" place in his studies: he justified the woman's submissiveness to a man and the lack of initiative on her part with an inferiority complex.

In the sphere of love, a well-known psychoanalyst saw a woman as a kind of "disabled person" or a creature who chooses a defeatist dependent role for herself and tries to get some pleasure from this - exactly like the heroine of the book "Fifty Shades of Grey" Anastasia Steele.

Anastasia Steele in reality

But if you look around, it turns out that in one form or another, "Anastacia" exist not only in books, but also in reality. As before, you will meet many couples in which a girl submits to a man and gives him control over her life and over making key decisions, and even when parting, she is not disappointed in such a vertical model of dependent relationships, but, on the contrary, subconsciously or even consciously seeks a repetition of such the same distribution of roles.

So was Freud correct in his pejorative analysis of the nature of womanhood, or can there be other reasons for this inequality?

It should be noted that in everyday practice there is a desire to "normalize" such asymmetric unions: in the subordination of a girl to society, one sees both the Freudian search for pleasure in subordination, and the banal "substitution" by a strong imperious man of a father who was absent in the family. But modern psychoanalysts have learned to see the reason in something else: in the initial gender inequality of roles in the family, which projects a scheme with obligatory obedience to a man onto a girl’s future relationships.

The American psychoanalyst Jessica Benjamin in her book "Love Liaisons" criticizes Freud for not seeing the influence of modern family culture, which through the family is responsible for the primary formation of human values, behind the birth of such girls as Anastasia Steele. Benjamin sees the origins of submission in early childhood: the girl chooses the family member with whom she needs to associate herself, from whom she needs to “reflect” in order to begin to form her identity, and the first choice logically falls on the mother. But at the moment when independence and autonomy are formed in a child, in a patriarchal family structure, where the subordination of a woman and the dominant of a man are considered the norm, the girl realizes that the mother does not have either independence or autonomy at the level at which a man has them, and secretly begins to reach out to him, as to a source of power. The girl idealizes her father as the owner of a power that she is not destined to possess - power over others and over her own life, a selfish ability to express her desire openly and without fear. The image of a dominant male becomes a kind of beacon for her, to which she aspires all her life, but to establish relations with which she can only through subordinating connections.

Subordinating connections

What is the danger of the role of Anastasia Steele?

What is wrong with such an unconscious search for a real, strong and strong-willed subject who will be able to lead the family? Dominant relationships in books can easily turn into some kind of exciting game, from which anyone can leave at any time. Not a winner, but at least alive and well. But in life, asymmetrical unions for a woman contain many dangers, and the most destructive of them is domestic violence. In relations between the dominant and the subordinate, the latter is very often forced to experience, if not physical attacks, then humiliation and attempts to suppress the personality. The dominant subject needs to consolidate his position, legitimize his power over the "subordinate" and make him dependent and helpless. This is achieved primarily by repeating the "mantra" "You can not live without me", and the subject (girl) is not really able to afford an independent life, having lost a permanent income (for example, after being fired from work to have a child), separate living space, comfortable environment (when moving to another place of residence, changing social circle, etc.) ...

Mantra "You can't live without me"

Psychologically, the atmosphere of dependence of a subordinate object is supported verbally: a girl is often told that she is not capable of making decisions, that she is nothing, that she will not survive without support - self-esteem suffers from this, willpower decreases, but "love" does not pass. because, firstly, a man can “heat up” the degree of passion, sometimes changing anger to mercy, and secondly, the girl herself in her derogatory subordinate position does not see anything abnormal, explaining this state of affairs by the true essence of marriage - building the ideal of family life through suffering. As a result, without gaining independence and strength in the family, which was mentioned above, the girl is not able to pass it on to her daughter. What's happening? The circle closes. The new Anastasia Steele is born and cannot escape her "submissive" calling.

wmj.ru

… you can do with it EVERYTHING you want.
… she will gladly fulfill any, even the most DIRTY, Your desires.

EXACTLY YOU

… you can INSTANTLY subdue any woman you know.

… you can do with it EVERYTHING you want.

… she will gladly fulfill any, even the most DIRTY, Your desires.

What it is? SYSTEM …

The system is the latest complex of the most effective methods of influencing the female psyche. This System reveals to You the secret of the complete subjugation of a woman.

By subordinating a woman to yourself, You can get everything You want from her.

What does every woman want?

The system works flawlessly on absolutely all women.

It does not matter the age of the woman and her social status. It doesn't matter her race or nationality. It does not matter even her character and life experience.

None of this matters, because the operation of the System is based on instincts. And they are exactly the same for all women.

If a woman has periods, then biologically she is a mature female.

So she has the instincts of a female. So, all her behavior is determined primarily by female instincts. All other qualities are secondary.

The basic human instinct is to reproduce, to continue the existence of one's biological species. In women, this instinct is manifested in the desire to find a strong male, have sexual intercourse with him and conceive.

At the same time, she must be sure that this male will be able to ensure the safety of her and her offspring. So, at least he should be stronger than her.

A woman wants to feel this power.

She instinctively wants to give herself into the possession of someone who is stronger than her.

What will happen in the first few seconds?

Have you heard the expression "Love at first sight"?
Centuries-old folk wisdom speaks precisely of the instinctive choice of a partner.

Literally at first sight, a woman instinctively feels her Defender and Master in a certain man. The one with whom she will be "like behind a stone wall."

The system uses this instinct and these psychophysiological mechanisms.

The impact of the System of Total Subordination begins from the very first seconds of contact. Any woman will immediately feel her Master in You.

At the level of physiology, this will mean the emergence of sexual arousal in her, focused on You. She wants you.

A woman will immediately have two desires:

- desire to obey You;

- the desire to have sex with you.

Both of these desires are interconnected. They mutually reinforce each other.

Imagine the effect of this nuclear mixture: desire to obey and sexual arousal! She wants to give her all to You. You will have to choose the time and place that suits you.

And the more you influence her, the stronger your influence.

In the end, you can do whatever you want with it.

What should you be?

It doesn't matter how old you are. It doesn't matter how much money you have. It doesn't matter how you look.

To subdue a woman, You only have to strictly follow the algorithm determined by the System.

You can be poor and she can be driving a new Mercedes. You can be a freak, and she can be an elite fashion model. You can be her student, or a subordinate at work. You can be much older than her, or vice versa, much younger.

All this is unimportant.

Every person obeys instincts.

Instinctively You pull your hand out of the fire. You will inevitably do it. In the same way, a woman will inevitably submit to Your influence.

She simply won't be able to resist her own instincts, which will pull her to kneel before You.

The action of the System is as predetermined as the action of the force of attraction.

A woman will submit to Your influence as inevitably as a stone sinks in water.

What do you know first?

You will learn HOW to suppress a woman with your gaze. You will find out what a subjugating look is, which a woman cannot resist.

You will learn HOW to suppress the female psyche with your voice and your speech.

You will learn about special points on a woman's body and how to touch them.

If you touch these points in a certain way, then Your touch will make a woman feel like you put your hand between her legs.

She will have the feeling that you lifted her skirt right in front of everyone and crawled under her panties.

And she will love it.

Because You can do it. Because you have a right to it. Because she recognizes in You her Master.

You are her owner.

In the course, all theoretical considerations are reduced to the necessary minimum.
Only hard, proven by real practice methods of influence.

The course does not address the question of HOW You will benefit from the results of your influence.

Only You can restrict Your use of the System. It is only a question of Your ethics and Your morals.

Find out the truth.

Know the truth: You will have to spend some time and effort to master the System.

And for this You do not need to study for twelve years with the patriarchs of the Shaolin Monastery. You don't need to have any superpowers.

Are you able to learn how to drive a car? Yes! So you will master the system.

All the skills you acquire are quite natural. For their development, you will receive a complete set of necessary tools. No need to meditate and stand on your head.

The result will completely change your life. And you will be happy with such changes ...

Learn another truth.

Know: The system only affects women.

Men's reaction to the influence of the System is opposite to women's. If you try to use it in relationships with men, you will only make enemies for yourself.

But on women, it works flawlessly!

What's the Difference?

The system of Total Submission differs from various methods of seduction, pickup, from Ericksonian hypnosis or NLP, from the newfangled DHE, etc.

The system is fundamentally different from all of them.

The first and main difference of the System is that it relies primarily on instincts.

The second is that the System is designed specifically for female psychology and physiology.

The third is the mastering of the System, the development of the necessary skills occurs with the help of a computer.

Excerpts from expert reviews:

Academician Koussevitzky.

The system is reliable, simple and efficient. This is the Kalashnikov assault rifle in Psychology.

______________________________________________

Candidate medical sciences Evstigneev Boris Ivanovich

It has been experimentally proven that the effectiveness of the SPV is so high, and the development is so elementary, that I personally consider it necessary to prohibit private individuals from accessing this development as soon as possible, due to the fact that this knowledge will most likely be used for extremely unethical purposes.

_______________________________________________

Professor William O'Donell.

University of Massachusetts. This development of Russian psychologists frightens me with its merciless effectiveness. This knowledge should not fall into the wrong hands. Access to the System of Total Submission must be limited.

So let's sum it up:

You get:

Complete subjugation of any woman.

The ability to do whatever you want with it. She herself will offer You what You wish;

From now on, any female who has her period is just Your toy.

You will act on women like a boa constrictor on rabbits.

They will come to you on their own.

More precisely, they will crawl to you on their knees ...

You get sex. Lots of sex. Anyone.

You get money. If only You're willing to take them that way.

You get power. Absolute unlimited power.

The system will give you power over the soul of a woman.

Will make you something like God...

Despite the fact that every person, and especially a man, is unique and unique, in some cases, for the successful development of relationships, one has to suppress his own "I".

Of course, you initially choose the young man who suits you, along with all the advantages and disadvantages. Meanwhile, as you know, during the period of falling in love, we simply do not notice many of the disadvantages of our partner, and after a certain time, it is these character traits that do not allow us to live in peace and build a happy and strong family. If you want to eradicate the shortcomings of your spouse, you need to subdue him and do it in such a way that he does not suspect anything.

Submission and control of a representative of the opposite sex is the most difficult section of psychology, and it will take a lot of time to master it. In this article, we offer you some simple tips and recommendations from professional psychologists, with which you can figure out how to subdue a man and what to do so that you can control him in the future.

Useful psychological tricks on how to subdue a man

To manipulate and control a person of any gender, you need to know the personality traits and individual character traits. Understanding what and how can specifically affect your young man will allow you to persuade a man to any action that is completely uninteresting to him.

With the help of certain tactics of action, you must put some truths into the partner’s head that will automatically make him obey you.

There are several simple and, at the same time, effective ways manipulations that almost always work flawlessly if used correctly:

How to subdue a man spoiled by his parents?

spoiled men, or "mama's sons", this is a special category of citizens who believe that in family relationships it is enough for them to lie on the couch and only occasionally perform men's duties, but women need to please their beloved in everything. It will be very difficult for such a young man to find a girl who would share this point of view on the topic of family life.

All representatives of the stronger sex, who were loved too much by their parents and raised incorrectly from childhood, are without exception manipulators.

After some time of living together, such a man will definitely try to subdue you, and if you do not immediately give a hard rebuff, it will be much more difficult to do this in the future. Nevertheless, each of us can suddenly fall in love with any man, and when meeting another gentleman, there is every chance not to understand what exactly this person is. After a few days, weeks or months, you will no longer be able to refuse the one you like so much, but you also don’t want to exist with him on such conditions.

In such a situation, something will have to change immediately.

The following tips from professional psychologists will tell you how you can subdue a manipulator and prevent him from controlling you:

In all other respects, the manipulator should be directed in the right direction in the same way as other members of the stronger sex. Do not forget that all of the above methods work exclusively in combination with positive aspects, that is, like "carrot and stick".

Having scolded your spouse once, be prepared for the fact that for several days you will have to praise him and encourage him in every possible way.

Only with the help of such tactics of action will you be able to achieve effective control of a man and subjugate him.

A woman can combine two incompatible things in herself, according to men - the desire to be in a liability and depend on a man and the unwillingness to be dependent.

This is what plays a key role in those moments when a man does bad things, and a woman cannot figure out what she really needs. From the point of view of men, it looks like this: a woman wants to be in a liability, but on one condition - the one who is on top must do what she wants. Relatively speaking, she is ready to serve if a man behaves well with her and appreciates her. As a result of this, the opinion very often appears that a man simply uses a woman and phrases are heard that “He is a goat!”

But it also happens that a woman herself wants to obey, but the one who is on top cannot give it to her. Then she finds another and in the end does not get exactly what she wanted.

True, there is another problem - women who do not know how to obey. It's just not typical for them. Usually it's a problem strong women who, for one reason or another, have become the mistresses of their lives. They are not ready to live with a plush chosen one, and when a strong man appears on the horizon, she begins to fight with him. We will deal with this case today.

A strong woman - how to learn to obey

Submission, like the management of men, must be learned, because this can achieve a lot. And in fact it is quite real. But here it is important to understand that a man who knows how to subdue, looks like an Alpha and has extensive experience in managing women, in fact, cannot maintain a balance - subjugate her, but at the same time not completely bend under him.

This situation can be compared to eating a product. For example, you stumbled upon something delicious. And no, to dose portions, so you need to eat everything at once, and then again, so that as a result you can no longer look at this food.

Usually this happens with men who want to get a woman. It would seem that keep such a distance that the one you have chosen does not cease to be necessary to you, but alas, this happens very rarely. Therefore, even an experienced man should not be blindly trusted. He will simply spoil your life with the fact that he will not let go, will not be able to give what you need.

Therefore, whatever one may say, only you will need to balance and always be interesting and desirable. The man will not be able to give any clues. Even if you give him the opportunity to teach you, start asking him for advice. All of them, sooner or later, will be reduced to complete submission. Therefore, in any case, you should replace the advice of such a man with his actions. That is, look at his actions and already draw conclusions from them - when you need to show your teeth, and when to turn on “Pusya”.

But it’s not always possible to understand when to do one thing and when to do another.

Restrictions

To make things easier, let's talk about internal restrictions that will allow you to obey without problems, but at the same time would not allow you to slide "thinner of the baseboard."

For example, you understand that the only way to maintain a relationship with this man is to obey him. And, as a rule, if you do not do this, he will simply leave you, without explanation. An ordinary man can repeat to you 150 times - “You did it wrong, you should have done it this way”, and the one who is confident in himself, knowing that there will be a hundred more like you, will simply leave.

Usually men who have an abundance of female attention are not ready to ask someone to change, it is easier for them to merge a person.

How then to act? If your man is Beta, then it is better to move from above, if Alpha, then from below. That is, if he is a Beta, then you behave like a “bad girl”, and when he gives you the opportunity to relax, use it and give him the opportunity to conquer you. And gradually show that he is getting a more loyal woman. In the situation with Alpha, you automatically go to him from the position of "Pusya", but not vice versa. Because showing your teeth, not knowing what will happen next, is futile at best, dangerous at worst.

But being “Pusey” and moving in this direction is much more convenient, because slowly you can inspect the territory and understand what needs to be done and what can be done. And then conquer her.

What else do you need to know in dealing with Alpha?

• Any man would like to perceive any woman through sexual perception. And especially the Alpha. He can afford it. And the worst thing is if this Alpha communicates with you without sexual overtones. This means that from now on you have found an enemy for yourself. Or maybe he needs you for something else. If Alpha communicates with you sexually, then you are in the "positive zone".
• If you meet an Alpha and want to get him, then the first thing you need to do is to be in the "positive zone". You must become his sexual partner and nothing more. If you start to fight with him, then it will not end in anything good, and here you need to be guided by the rule - it is better to have friends among the strong. In addition, either you or he will win this war, and therefore there will be no relationship.

Let's consider such a situation.

“I have a man who does not want to obey, but I will not do this either. What should I do - drain it? But I dont want!".

For such things, there is a system of division of spaces of struggle. That is, to separate fundamental and non-principal things.

For example, a man starts a conversation on a topic that is unpleasant for you, and instead of smoothing over the situation, you start talking about what is unpleasant for him. At some point, his patience will run out, and then the man will understand that if you don’t want to hear about something unpleasant, don’t start a conversation.

But it is important for you to do this all the time and only then can you re-educate him. To defuse the situation, translate it into a joke. The main thing is to let them know what you don't like. And do not be afraid that he will leave. In fact, this is the worst thing that can be. But if you are afraid of losing a man, you will not be able to control him.

The second option is a system of compromises. You show him that you are not ready to submit completely and are not ready for such a relationship, especially if he does not want to give you something in return. And if you show a man your exclusivity and do not touch “Him”, then he will surely make concessions.

By "Him" is meant:

• Readiness. Next to Alpha there should be a woman who always wants him.
• Satisfaction. You must always satisfy him, even if during sex you yourself did not have time to get satisfaction.

If you're doing this sort of thing, that's usually enough. Then otherwise you can get a caring, generous man and a rather interesting conversationalist.

At the same time, it is important that you let him know that you also have things to do, and your time is valuable. For example, you agreed to meet, and after the evening spent together, he again asks you to stay. Your task is to tell him that you have important things to do, and if he had said earlier, you would have moved them. And so, alas, you also have your own plans.

Only in this way will a man begin to value your time, because you do not appear when he wants, but only in his free time and by agreement.

Remember, an Alpha man will value your time only after you start doing it yourself.

In principle, these are the main schemes that can work. All this is not difficult to implement, but it is much easier to lose a male Alpha, it is enough to start showing off.

Now let's look at some real life examples.

“My lover is constantly offended and says that I do not trust him. This is actually so, because I can not hide my distrust of him. What to do?"

In this situation, humor will work “Of course, I believe you, how could it be otherwise? Do you remember how in the song: Of course, I believe you, how can there be doubts ... "

“I realized that I need sex not for pleasure, but to control men. But now I feel like I don't want sex at all. Will it pass?"

Well, nothing is eternal - this time. And secondly, remove coquetry from your behavior. And only then can you really check whether you want it or not.

When we are dominated, we have five choices: fight, run, hide, call for help - or try to appease the dominant. If the dominant one is too strong and it is pointless to fight him, if there is nowhere to run, nowhere to hide and no one to call for help, all that remains is an attempt to appease. At such moments, subordinate behavior comes to the fore. Passive submission in a person is manifested in groveling and praying for mercy.
Of course, this is a heartbreaking sight, and this is the incapacity of a person in this situation - for the sake of survival and survival.
The submissive individual tries to relax his muscles as much as possible, he stoops, looks at the floor, his arms are spread apart, his voice is weak and thin. In all cases, body size is a symbol of a dominant person. Therefore, a very important aspect of submission is an attempt to appear smaller than you really are. Thus, the subordinate extinguishes all threatening signals from the dominant by giving him signs: "You don't need to treat me like an opponent."
The subordinate achieves this in two ways: by cowering and by bending over so as to drop below the dominant.
With the chronic nature of submission, a servile person is a miserable, eternal depressive sufferer.
The subordinate tries to fully acknowledge his stupidity and low intellectual status in front of the dominant. By flattery, jokes and self-criticism, the subordinate behavior of a person contributes to the appeasement of the dominant.
Consciously following submissive behavior can work wonders in disputes and conflicts. but such an experience is very painful.
tycoons, godfathers mafia. great actors, commanders-in-chief and despotic politicians are surrounded by a special aura that destabilizes our self-control mechanism and puts us in a trance state. The surest remedy against such influence is disrespect and disrespect. Any person who loses self-respect runs the risk of being humiliated and insulted and even an outcast.
There is also exaggerated submission: everyone wants to appear smaller and lower than the other.
If you study the history of submission from ancient times to the present day, you can see how quickly subservience disappeared. Simply put, people belittled themselves less and less.
Only God retained his ancient status of worship and reverence.

In the movie "The Night Porter" domination and submission.
Material Wikipedia
1957 In a Vienna hotel, a former Nazi and a former prisoner of a concentration camp meet by chance. The awakened memories of both the executioner and the victim kindle a strange, unnatural attraction between them, which the psychoanalyst would call sadomasochism. When the two try to rekindle their relationship, the Nazi's comrades who served with him in the SS begin to persecute them.

« Fifty Shades of Grey" (eng. « Fifty Shades of Gray» ) is an erotic novel by British writer E. L. James, written and published in 2011. The novel tells the story of the relationship between entrepreneur Christian Gray and university graduate Anastasia Steele; The book contains explicit sexual scenes, including BDSM.
Quotes from the book Fifty Shades of Grey»:
“I don’t have my own philosophy. Well, except perhaps the guiding principle - from Carnegie: "He who is able to completely control his mind will take possession of everything that is his by right." I am a goal-oriented and self-sufficient person. I like to keep everything under control: both myself and those around me.
- So you like to own?
"Tyrant!"
- I want to earn possession, but in general - yes, I like it.
- Are you a super consumer?
- Exactly.
……..
- I have rules, and I want you to follow them - for your benefit and for my pleasure. If I am pleased with you, you will receive a reward. And if not, I will punish you, and you will remember, - he whispers.
……
These are the rules. They can be changed. They are included in the contract that we will conclude. Read them and let's discuss.
...
REGULATIONS
OBEDIENCE:

The Submissive immediately and unconditionally obeys all orders of the Dominant. The Submissive consents to and enthusiastically participates in any sexual activity that is acceptable and enjoyable to the Dominant, except for those indicated as unacceptable (Appendix 2).
Dream:
The Submissive must sleep a minimum of eight hours a night when not spending time with the Dominant.
Food:
In order to maintain health and well-being, the Submissive must eat regularly and according to the list of recommended foods (Appendix 4). It is forbidden to snack between meals with anything other than fruit.
Clothing:
During the term of this Contract, the Submissive shall wear only clothing approved by the Dominant. The Dominant provides the Submissive with a certain amount of money, which she agrees to spend on clothing. The dominant has the right to be present when buying clothes. During the term of the Contract, the Submissive agrees to wear jewelry and accessories chosen by the Dominant at any time specified by him.
Physical exercises:
Four times a week, the Dominant provides the Submissive with a personal trainer for one-hour sessions, the timing of which the coach and the Submissive shall mutually agree upon. The Coach reports to the Dominant on the progress of the Submissive.
Personal Care/Beauty:
The Submissive undertakes to keep the body clean at all times and to regularly shave and/or wax. The Submissive visits a beauty salon of the Dominant's choice at the appointed time and undergoes the procedures that he deems necessary. All expenses are borne by the Dominant.
Personal safety:
The Submissive undertakes not to abuse alcohol, not to smoke, not to take drugs or expose himself to undue risk.
Personal qualities:
The Submissive undertakes not to have sexual relations with anyone other than the Dominant. The Submissive is humble and respectful, aware that her behavior has a direct impact on the Dominant. The Submissive is liable for his misdeeds, abuses and breaches of discipline committed in the absence of the Dominant.
Violation of any of these rules is followed by a punishment, the nature of which is determined by the Dominant.».

This work touches on one of the important aspects of women's life - the subordination of a woman, and that "consciousness - and even acceptance - of this fact should not be a cause of shame."
If the dominant can "punish" the main character, then this is a complete lack of character and self-respect in this subject.
We all ask the question, “For whom, especially among women, free will can become a burden?”.
The novel Fifty Shades of Gray has been accused of not only causing an increase in fire brigade calls to free handcuffed people, but has also been blamed for an increase in sexually transmitted infections among people over 45.
Andrea Reicher stated that "being in the role of a subordinate in a sexual relationship does not necessarily mean that a person is abused and a victim" and that in doing so, he "does not lose power or equality in the relationship."
In fact, E. L. James's book pushed older people to "exploring" in the bedroom.
The popularity of this book testifies to crisis of feminism.
The plot of the book tells about innocent girls and their love experiments; the novelty of this book is that here the woman manifests her own will, not being the passive side in the relationship.
Erotic passions are " locked in bodies» today's women of Balzac age yesterday's teenagers aspiring « in screaming fake glamor to see all the shades of their shameful girlish feelings».
Of course, there is an opinion: adult women who read this publication are more likely to suffer from binges, they are more likely to have more than five sexual partners in their lifetime, they are more likely to suffer from a disorder eating behavior; in addition, partners are more likely to insult them.
The book is a description of the monstrous essence of the Dominant.
Book " Fifty Shades of Grey" (eng. « Fifty Shades of Gray» ) - “a story about a girl who voluntarily decided to become sex slave the main character, which turned into a manifesto of cruel games between a man and a woman.
Material wmj.ru
He is not a sadist, he is a dominant
"Are you jealous of Anastasia Steele?" - at one of the popular women's forums, the heroine of the most scandalous novel of recent times, "50 Shades of Grey", was hotly discussed.
How did this story about a girl who voluntarily decided to become a sexual slave of the main character suddenly turn into an erotic bestseller, and why is this manifesto of cruel games between a man and a woman dangerous in the first place for us?
The author positions the book as light reading for women who want to feel loved and desired. But Erika Leonard James leads her readers to these feelings not in the traditional, but in the Freudian way: through humiliation, torture. It was Freud who believed that the genesis of sadism and masochism goes back to childhood, and later their manifestations are found in repetitive fantasies of violence and submission, which are visited by both women and men. But Freud assigned women a special, not the most "comfortable" place in his studies: he justified the woman's submissiveness to a man and the lack of initiative on her part with an inferiority complex. In the sphere of love, a well-known psychoanalyst saw a woman as a kind of "disabled person" or a creature who chooses a defeatist dependent role for herself and tries to get some pleasure from this - exactly like the heroine of the book "Fifty Shades of Grey" Anastasia Steele.
Anastasia Steele in reality
But if you look around, it turns out that in one form or another, "Anastacia" exist not only in books, but also in reality. As before, you will meet many couples in which a girl submits to a man and gives him control over her life and over making key decisions, and even when parting, she is not disappointed in such a vertical model of dependent relationships, but, on the contrary, subconsciously or even consciously seeks a repetition of such the same distribution of roles.

So was Freud correct in his pejorative analysis of the nature of womanhood, or can there be other reasons for this inequality?

It should be noted that in everyday practice there is a desire to "normalize" such asymmetric unions: in the subordination of a girl to society, one sees both the Freudian search for pleasure in subordination, and the banal "substitution" by a strong imperious man of a father who was absent in the family. But modern psychoanalysts have learned to see the reason in something else: in the initial gender inequality of roles in the family, which projects a scheme with obligatory obedience to a man onto a girl’s future relationships.
The American psychoanalyst Jessica Benjamin in her book "Love Liaisons" criticizes Freud for not seeing the influence of modern family culture, which through the family is responsible for the primary formation of human values, behind the birth of such girls as Anastasia Steele. Benjamin sees the origins of submission in early childhood: the girl chooses the family member with whom she needs to associate herself, from whom she needs to “reflect” in order to begin to form her identity, and the first choice logically falls on the mother. But at the moment when independence and autonomy are formed in a child, in a patriarchal family structure, where the subordination of a woman and the dominant of a man are considered the norm, the girl realizes that the mother does not have either independence or autonomy at the level at which a man has them, and secretly begins to reach out to him, as to a source of power. The girl idealizes her father as the owner of a power that she is not destined to possess - power over others and over her own life, a selfish ability to express her desire openly and without fear. The image of a dominant male becomes a kind of beacon for her, to which she aspires all her life, but to establish relations with which she can only through subordinating connections.

Subordinating connections
What is the danger of the role of Anastasia Steele?
What is wrong with such an unconscious search for a real, strong and strong-willed subject who will be able to lead the family? Dominant relationships in books can easily turn into some kind of exciting game, from which anyone can leave at any time. Not a winner, but at least alive and well. But in life, asymmetrical unions for a woman contain many dangers, and the most destructive of them is domestic violence. In relations between the dominant and the subordinate, the latter is very often forced to experience, if not physical attacks, then humiliation and attempts to suppress the personality. The dominant subject needs to consolidate his position, legitimize his power over the "subordinate" and make him dependent and helpless. This is achieved primarily by repeating the "mantra" "You can not live without me", and the subject (girl) is not really able to afford an independent life, having lost a permanent income (for example, after being fired from work to have a child), separate living space, comfortable environment (when moving to another place of residence, changing social circle, etc.) ...

Mantra "You can't live without me"
Psychologically, the atmosphere of dependence of a subordinate object is supported verbally: a girl is often told that she is not capable of making decisions, that she is nothing, that she will not survive without support - self-esteem suffers from this, willpower decreases, but "love" does not pass. because, firstly, a man can “heat up” the degree of passion, sometimes changing anger to mercy, and secondly, the girl herself in her derogatory subordinate position does not see anything abnormal, explaining this state of affairs by the true essence of marriage - building the ideal of family life through suffering. As a result, without gaining independence and strength in the family, which was mentioned above, the girl is not able to pass it on to her daughter. What's happening? The circle closes. The new Anastasia Steele is born and cannot escape her "submissive" calling.